Back Stage Pass: Ginny's Story
by wiccademon
Summary: Ginny is at the point in her life that she doesn't know what she wants to be or be with. Avalon is calling and it isn't like it is in the books. Warning: Mature content, OOCness and a Love Triangle. Harry/Ginny Draco/Ginny
1. An Epiphany

Back Stage Pass: Ginny's Story

Chapter 1: An Epiphany

You know how people claim they see a while light when they've had a near death experience. Some of them claim it was heaven they were seeing. Sometimes that light has inspired them so much so, that they feel like a new person like their whole life has taken a whole turn in the other direction from where it was going before. The difference between those people and me, well, I was awake for my moment in the light. I remember what it was like. It wasn't heaven I was seeing. It was life. It wasn't a pretty experience.

9 Months earlier.

I think it all started when Harry came back from Canada. He was visited an old friend of his Godfathers there for about a month. Sightseeing he put it as. I guess it was just something he needed to do.

We did speak about what he did there, but it was only general stuff like the food was great and the weather was completely different than he expected it to be. I did try once to get him to tell me more and he got this look on his face like he was dying a little on the inside. So I dropped the subject. I figured if he wanted to talk to me about it he would. Except he never would.

Things got weirder after that. Once we could talk until our ears bled; now Harry would only talk to me if I asked him anything. It made me feel like the nagging girlfriend. I hated it.

Thankfully our physical relationship didn't take a hit when Harry came back. Oh! No! It was hot and hard and mind numbingly spectacular. Though after the sex, he would revert back to his silence.

It didn't help much that his training was getting harder making him far too tired to do much of anything else besides eat, sleep and -the occasional- fuck. Or the fact that I lost my job.

Three weeks into November -just when things usually picked up in my department- everyone received an owl. On the rare occurrence that this happens it means someone's planning an office party to commemorate a secured company contract. (My department handled the acceptance of building permits, land permits, housing permits, etc., for the whole of the population of British wizards in England.) This time though, it was a whole department, not just a selected area of the department. Which meant bad news.

So at the end of November as the department assembled in one of the ministries meeting rooms on the third floor, all our managers and department heads (there's four) stood in the centre of the room watching as we all came in and took our seats. Sally, the annoying blond who works in my department, was blabbing to me about how Harold, our manager, told her over the weekend that the department was going to be getting a huge face lift come the new year. It never occurred to her to ask him HOW big that face lift was going to be.

Apparently it would cost the jobs of half the department's staff, including mine and Sally's. She wasn't too happy about that. Poor Harold.

I don't remember going home right after that, only the nasty hangover I had the next day and the lack of Harry to comfort me through it. Two days later my mum sent me an owl with her condolences. She wanted me to come over for a pity dinner that night. I never went. I had really liked my job. Even if it was a stupid place to start working at.

Maybe Hermione was right and I should have gone to that quidditch tryout instead of to the ministry's open house. But hey, that's life for you.

So there I was unemployed just before the Christmas season and my "boyfriend" was passive-aggressively not talking to me unless spoken to. Life was just dandy. Yet somehow I managed to fulfill my family obligations of gifts, dinners, toddler watching and drinks. It was the same old things a normal person would have to deal with during the holidays, only I added a few new things to my list. Job hunting was one of them.

It was nice of Hermione to stealthily leave college brochures on my desk when I would go down to the kitchen for a second helping of tea. I would flip through them, but nothing seemed to really jump out and grab me. The librarianship degree sounded promising, but then I would think of Madam Pince who - as far as I knew - still worked at Hogwarts. The thought made me shiver and I placed it along with the others in the trash. I had no intention of become a bitter old maid with black teeth and large glasses eternally glued to the bridge of my nose. It did make me wonder if it was too late to see if I could go to a quidditch tryout. I was still really good at flying. But that would be option B if option A didn't turn up anything.

New Year's.

Ah, New Year's. I hate New Year's. Not because I think that marking the new year with getting as much liquor in your body before the strike of mid-night is stupid, but because it was the first of many red flags that for some reason I ignored.

Harry and I had made dinner reservations before this small party we were invited to go to with some friends. Ron and Hermione were meeting us there since they had made plans themselves as well that evening. It was supposed to be great, Harry and I alone for the first time in months that wasn't the house we shared together (with Ron and Hermione as well). I had secretly gone out to buy this silver one piece that I saw in the window of a muggle clothing store. It was the cutest cocktail dress and it called out to me. Buy me buy me. So I did.

"Are you sure Harry said that he was only going to be twenty minutes late?" I asked Ron from the doorway of the main floor bathroom. Ron was fixing his hair.

"Yeah, that's what he told me when I was leaving the office." They were apprenticing this term a bit early only because of how much they helped in the war. Special privileges for war heroes and all that tripe. I still think the ministry did all that just to cover their arses. "You should just meet him there. You did make reservations early right, so you have plenty of time."

I look over at the clock. We still had three hours before the party and dinner wasn't for another hour. I shrugged. We really did have time. "Yeah, you're right. I think I'm going to read for a bit, maybe Harry will be here by the time I'm finished."

He wasn't. Ron and Hermione left Grimmauld Place a half hour later when I decided to take a shower before getting dressed. Harry wasn't home when I got out of the shower. He still wasn't home when I finished getting ready. I was getting a little panicky, so I fire called Harry's office but no one was there. The secretary that happened to pop in to get last minute papers to file told me he had left already, though she couldn't tell me exactly how long ago he had left. So I decided to head to the restaurant and maybe I would meet Harry there. Before I left I pinned a note on the front door (you can't apparate into the house) so that Harry would know that I was going to go to the restaurant to meet him there.

An hour later while sitting at the restaurant having waited and waited and still no Harry, I decided to head over to the party early to see if Ron and Hermione could help me find him. I was worried. This had never happened before. EVER.

When I got there though… Let's just say I saw red. Harry. Oh perfect Harry, who could do no wrong was already at the party. He was chatting to the hostess -with the mostess- as if there wasn't a care in the world. I knew Ron and Hermione hadn't gotten there yet, the flat was an open floor plan that allowed you to see the whole space at once. It was a two level floor plan though. So I had to side step some other guests down a few steps to get to Harry and the breasty hostess.

I walked right up to him, still seeing red. He turned to me smiling as if he had never stood me up in a very crowded restaurant for the past hour. It happened in slow motion practically.

Neville spotted me as I walked over to Harry and was making his way over to say hi. He was in the process of say "Hi" and I was in the process of reaching my hand back to deliver the hardest slap of my life. *BAM* Harry's head whipped to the side from the force of my hand connecting squarely with the side of his face. Silence. The whole room was full of it. I wasn't. But I just didn't trust myself in front of that crowd of people. I turned and left.

As I was leaving Ron and Hermione were just coming down the hallway to the flat. They stopped in their tracks and I could register that Hermione was asking me something, but I brushed her off and just kept walking. When I turned the corner at the end of the hall I heard Neville's voice. Ron was demanding to know what happened. Harry would tell them, ; he talks to them more than me anyway.

When I got home, I threw my coat onto a chair in the kitchen, fished for a glass from the cupboard and then headed to the liquor cabinet for something hard to fill my glass. An hour later I heard attempted hushed yelling in the foyer. In my drunken state -I had at least half a bottle of 151 proof rum- I wandered over to the open door to hear what the conversation was all about. I wish I hadn't.

"How could you? You made those reservations!" Ron hissed.

"I know Ron." Harry sounded exhausted. Good. Let him suffer. He deserved it. I didn't.

"Then explain to me HOW you could have done something like that to MY sister?" Ron's voice got louder and I could hear Hermione shushing him before he continued. "Well?"

"Ron this isn't something we should be discussing in the foyer of the house." Ah, the voice of reason steps in. I could hear in Hermione's tone that she was pinching the bridge of her nose. She did that sometimes when she was trying to ward off a headache.

"No Hermione, I don't care! Harry hurt my sister and I deserve an explanation and so does my Ginny!" Ron's voice grew louder again.

"Ron. That's enough." Her tone was bordering on glacial.

"Thanks 'Mione."

There was a shuffling of feet as coats were removed. "Oh don't thank me Harry. Ron's right. Ginny does deserve an explanation and you better give it to her tonight." Pure fury accompanied those words and I couldn't help shudder.

"The thing is I can't." Harry's tone was past exhausted now and was into pleading, almost sad. I didn't care. He had no right being sad.

"What! Why not?" Ron piped in right away.

"It's complicated Ron."

There was more shuffling and I assumed that someone was moving over to sit on the bottom steps to upstairs. "Explain 'complicated'." Hermione was on a mission.

"It's something to do with them."

"Them?" Ron asked.

"Yes them." Harry continued.

"But I thought you were under contract." Hermione's tone was still angry but I could tell that she was claiming down. I wasn't happy about that. And what about the mysterious "them?"

"I am. But this year I have to be present at the ceremonies."

"And?" Ron asks… again.

"And Ron, those of us who only witness ceremonies suffer from side effects."

"Side effects? I don't remember you mentioning any of this before." Annoyance never sounded too good on Hermione, it made her seem nagging, not annoyed.

"No I didn't." Answered Harry.

"What are the side effects then?" It appeared to be Ron's night for asking questions.

Silence. No one moved, as if they were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Except there wasn't really a shoe dropping here, it was more like a house.

"Memory loss."

Another moment of silence.

"Oh Shit."

"Tell me about it."

I knew I was gaping when I heard Harry say those two simple words. How do you broach a subject like that? I didn't know how, and in my present state I didn't think it was such a good idea. So the next morning when I woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon, I kept my mouth shut and let Harry give me a half-assed excuse and I accepted it. I accepted all his excuses after that. For months I listened to him come up with more and more excuses. Most involved work and those I knew to be true -Ron was absent because of the same excuse several times- but the others, just didn't sound convincing enough.

March

I was at my limit. I never really thought about ending my relationship with Harry. I loved him and I always would. It was just that things were getting out of hand and I felt… used. Even Hermione was making excuses for Harry now. I needed a break from all these apologies. We both did.

It was raining. Drizzle really. It was damp and it made my hair all frizzy like Hermione's on a good day. I got to our coffee shop -because that's what this muggle place became, ours- and ordered a large mug of tea. I was jittery enough as it was and I didn't want to make it worse by consuming excessive amounts caffeine.

Harry got there just as my tea was brought over to my table by the back windows. There was more privacy there, making it less likely for anyone to overhear our conversation.

Harry looked excited about something and as I smiled at him in greeting he jumped right into a story about what happened to him earlier that morning. He had been called in early for an unplanned staff meeting. I never paid attention to the details so I had no clue what the meeting was all about, but I had agreed to meet Harry here after it was done. He wasn't going to like what I had planned to talk to him about today.

"… and then Smith ran right into Ron knocking the whole display and books all over the place. That guy can really flail when he trips." Harry chuckled lightly as he shook his head. The waiter brought Harry's black coffee over and set it down on the table. "Thanks."

As I waited for the waiter to leave earshot of our table, Harry was looking at me with his goofy smile. I loved that smile, it always made me feel gooey inside. "Something bothering you?" He asked.

Setting my mug of tea down I looked him straight in the eyes. "I think we need to take a break from each other." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

It took him all of two seconds to go from goofy smile to dead serious. "What are you talking about?"

"I know about your memory loss thing Harry."

"How?"

"News Years, I overheard you, Ron and Hermione talking." Pain and guilt crossed his face. I could see that he regretted what was happening to him. I did too. "I don't hold it against you. I sort of understand how you wanted to spare me the worry, but it would have been nice of you to talk to me about it. I'm your girlfriend after all Harry."

"I know. I'm sorry." He raked a hand through his moist hair. "But I don't think breaking up is going to solve that problem." The rain started beating the windows a little harder.

"Well pretending that everything is okay isn't either." I sighed heavily. My tea mug wasn't scalding my hands anymore and I wondered if we had really been sitting here for that long. "I… we need time to sort things out."

"Sort what out!" Harry's raised voice was hurt and angry. I had expected as much.

"Sort us out!" I snapped. "I'm sick of you leaving me out of things. Ever since you got back from Canada, you've been avoiding talking to me." He looked confused but I continued before he could get a word in. "I feel like all our relationship is based on lately is sex! We never hang out like we use to or even talk like we use to… And with everything that's been going on with me lately I can't take this too." I sighed deeply fighting back tears that I had promised myself I wouldn't shed.

"So that's it then." He sounded defeated and the look in his eyes (how about: was like a knife in my heart.) I turned to look out the window. "You're just going to leave and not even try to work on this, on us?" His words were pleading and I knew he was right, but I needed time. We needed time.

Without a word, I glared at him. The look of anguish in his eyes reflected the anguish in my own and I couldn't bear it, so I left.

The rain drenched everything in sight as I pushed the coffee shop door open and plunged into the street. I let the rain drench me as I knew it would hide the tears I couldn't contain any longer. I heard Harry calling me, begging me to come back inside to talk. I didn't listen to him. It was hard enough to confront him and break things off; to face him again would kill me.

I reached the cross walk moments before he got there and I dashed across the street. He yelled something and it forced me to stop half way to the other side of the street.

Then it happens.

_There's a screech of wet tires on the road. I hear more than feel the load thud my body makes when the muggle car hits me going 60 miles per hour. The world tumbles head over heel and the cement comes to greet me with a sickening sound of bone crunching snaps. My whole body screams, my nerve endings are dying as my blood mixes with the rain on the road. I can't hear anything really well, but I'm facing up into the rain so when people start leaning over me I can see them. Something doesn't feel right, there are black spots surrounding my vision and I hold onto it as one more face joins the bystanders surrounding me. Harry. He's yelling something to me, but I can't quite make it out. Then everything goes black and the pain consumes my body. _

When I woke up, years later it seemed, there was a dim light next to me and an annoying beeping sound in my ear. I must have been taken to a muggle hospital. Everything I could see was white. I must have been one huge bruise, from the way I felt. Even just moving a smidgen hurt like a mother. Someone leaned in closer to me. A nurse. She smiled then adjusted a tube next to me, then it started to feel better. Must have been that morphine stuff Harry told me about once. It was pleasant, it made my whole body tingle. She left me still smiling. At least she didn't look like shit.

When I woke a second time there wasn't anyone in the room with me. The door to my room was wide open and that annoying beeping still echoed in the silence. There was a clicking of sharp heels outside my room. They got louder as they got closer. They stopped just outside my open door.

There standing on the threshold was a woman in a peacock blue dress suit. Her heels were indeed sharp but elegant. The woman's hair slipped down her back like ink. She swished it over her shoulder as she entered my room and headed towards my bed. She looked to be in her forties; I wished that I would look like THAT when I reached my forties.

"Ginevra Weasley I presume?" Her voice was calm and even. She was a business woman and I was a smiling loon… again, so I just nodded.

"I don't have much time, but I wanted to express my condolences for what happened to you and I hope you have a quick recovery." Again I nodded. "My name is Emilia Pacquin. I'm the high Priestess of Avalon."


	2. From Point A to Point B

A/N; Sorry this took so long to upload, I have been away from my computer (watching Smallville is addicting). Anyway here it is... Read & Review please and thank you.

WARNING: There is mild sex in this chapter but nothing too graffic. OOCness to follow.

Also, The next chapter is going to take a little while to upload... still working out a scene problem and it has to go out to my editor. Promise to have in within the month. ;)

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Back Stage Pass: Ginny's Story

Chapter 2: From Point A to Point B

Ok so not the type of thing you would expect to hear coming from someone you've never met before, especially in my condition. All I could do when she said that to me was gape. Like a dead fish.

"You look a little confused Miss. Weasley." She stepped up to me and placed a gentle but firm hand on my wrist. "As I said before, I don't have much time." She gentle squeezed my wrist. I cringed at the pain, but still maintained my dumbfounded expression.

Emilia something-or-other slipped a card on the nightstand next to me. Later I would learn that my wallet had been there and she merely placed her "business" card inside.

"When next we meet Miss. Weasley, I hope it is under better circumstances." I nodded my head and her smile broadened.

I don't remember her leaving because more morphine was added to my system by a muggle nurse. I do remember the nasty move from the muggle hospital to St. Mungos. The Mediwitches and wizards there patched me up in a couple of days; other than that my extended stay at the hospital was only so that I could gain my motor functions back. Apparently if I had been left at the muggle hospital much longer my magic would have given out (since it was attempting to heal me) and that (from what I could gather) wasn't a good thing.

While I was held captive … healed, I received a constant flow of visitors. First my family, as it was they who heard about what happened to me first. Then my friends from school, and lastly my friends from work. The showered me with get well cards that would shoot confetti whenever you opened them. My room was swarming with flowers, most of which I didn't like and would allow my brothers to use for target practice. During that week I didn't once hear or see from Harry.

It didn't make me angry like Hermione was, but it didn't make me sad either. Mum kept asking if I was sure I wanted to break things off with Harry. I looked at Ron accusingly when she first asked me. He slinked out of the room before I could throw something at him.

Dad wasn't too surprised and as always was very supportive of me. He did ask once though when we were alone, my last night at .

"Ginny."

"Mmmm."

"About this thing between you and Harry." He fidgeted with a corner of my blanket as he sat in the chair next to my bed.

"Yes Dad? What about it?" I looked over at him. He didn't look serious like his tone of voice suggested; he had such a worried look that I couldn't help feel sorry for whatever was plaguing him.

He sighed, settling his hands in his lap. "Are you sure this is what you want right now?" His question was loaded and I wasn't ready to answer it. Not now anyway.

"Dad, I honestly don't know what I want right now. That's why I need this time to myself." I reached for his hand and he met me halfway. "Trust me, when I know what I want you'll be the first to know."

The next morning Ron and Hermione came to get me. I insisted that I get my things from Grimmauld Place the moment I was let go… discharged from St. Mungos. No one liked the idea, but I just wanted my things.

So there I was walking up the steps to my ex-home, Ron and Hermione whispering behind me about this and that. I knew if I asked they would deny that they were talking about me. Nothing had been changed. I walked around the main floor and it was almost dreamlike. Hermione whisked herself into the kitchen saying something about tea and cookies, while Ron hovered around me. He told me when I peeked into the third room that Harry was going to be out all day. I didn't say anything, but I had a feeling that they both had asked Harry to be scarce when I came back.

After that Ron left me to my own devices and I wandered straight to my room. As I passed the mini library that Harry had had made for me a couple months after we moved in together, I saw a pile of collapsed boxes waiting to be put together and packed with books. The furniture that I had personally bought was pushed against a far wall, stacked in a pile and marked with a moving sign. This was going to be harder than I thought.

In the bedroom everything was different.

Nothing had been touched it seemed. The bed had a thin layer of dust on it and so did the dresser. The dress I had hung up the day of the accident was still exactly where I left it. Had Harry come in here? Had he just left everything just as I had left it that morning? It left more questions than could be answered and more confused feelings than I could handle.

I quickly reached under the bed for my suitcase. It was charmed to magically extend and fit endless amounts of things into it, but still be light as a feather when you moved it around; I loved it. So for the next half hour I placed my folded clothes from the dresser into the suitcase and flitted around the room gathering anything that was mine that I wanted to take with me. Surprisingly there weren't a lot of things that I wanted to take - my toiletries, some of the books off my nightstand and my clothes were at the top of my list. When I was trickling down to the debateable items to take, it was harder to decide.

As I was looking at a picture of me standing beside the captain of the Harpies Quidditch team, Hermione walked in with a steaming cup of tea in each hand.

She handed me a cup as I placed the picture down on the bed. "So it's really over between you two, huh?" She leaned her back against the wall across from where I was sitting on the bed.

"I guess for now it is." I didn't want to have this conversation with her. I wasn't in the mood.

"For now?"

I shrugged. "It's not that I don't care about him. We… I need some time… apart from all this."

There was a small pause as we both sipped our tea. "He misses you, you know."

"And I miss him." It was the truth and I hated saying it. Honestly, it would be just so much easier to just forget about leaving and stay.

"So?"

"So what?"

"So what are you doing leaving him?"

I paused. Was I that transparent that it showed that I didn't really truly want to leave, that I wanted more than anything to have things back to the way they were where Harry talked to me and we spent more time together? I couldn't face the unknown like I was. I wanted the security being with Harry brought. It was so easy being with him; I didn't have to pretend, or dress up, or fake it. It was all real, right down to the emotions. Yet when Harry came back from his trip to Canada, things were different. He was different. 'The relationship became one sided.' I thought but didn't say.

"Come on Gin, be honest with yourself." Her voice was pleading.

Ok, she wanted honest. That I could do. "We rushed into things too quickly after the war ended." It was true. "I… we felt pressured because everyone expected we would both just naturally end up together. We loved each other more than anything so at the time we didn't notice. But because we rushed into things, everything's catching up with us."

"So, is this break thing permanent?"

"Who knows? It might be; it might not." Hermione nods her head at me. She wasn't pushing anything, which I appreciated at the moment.

"Come on, before Ron finishes all the cookies." I smiled at her and tossed the photo into the suitcase.

By the time we finished tea and all the cookies (thankfully Ron didn't eat them all) it was late in the evening. My suitcase and a couple of the boxes in the mini library rested on the porch outside the Burrow. The place didn't look any different, except that the renovations that George and Harry had paid for had removed the precarious slant the house was on and that the additions didn't look like additions but actually part of house. It was home though.

Mum was waiting in the kitchen when the three of us walked in through the front door; Dad was still working.

Dinner was a simple affair. George came over and Bill fire-called half way through to check up on everything. Dad missed the whole thing, but he joined us for tea after dinner and Mum made him a plate of food while we all talked. George told me about a new product that he just developed that allowed its user to project written notes to someone else within the same room without others seeing or hearing the conversation. It was a bit of genius magic if I had to admit it.

As things started to wind down I noticed that Mum was stalling. Why, I don't know. But I saw that Dad wasn't really trying to stop her or help her either.

"Well, it's getting really late. I think I'm just going to take my things up to my room." Mum squeaked, I mean really squeaked. Looking over at her like she had grown a second head, I notice George snickering behind his mug of tea and Ron and Hermione giving Mum the same look I was. "What happened?"

She cleared her throat. "Well, Ginny dear." The room grew quiet. What was wrong? Didn't Mum want me to stay? Was she going to ask me to leave? The silence was growing unbearable; I knew my face must have grown even paler.

"Oh for pity's sake, Molly." Dad stood up and turned to me. "What your mother has been avoiding to tell you all evening is that she's turned your room into her hobby room."

Another long pause followed his statement. We all burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard that tears were pooling on my lashes.

After we all settled down and Mum stopped apologising to me, the small fact that I would be spending my time here in Ron's old room hit me like a load of bricks. I'm not saying that I hate my brother's room - it happened to be bigger than my room. It was the fact that my very first time with Harry was in that room.

So as I walked up the winding staircase up to Ron's old room, with Mum and Hermione helping me carry my bags, I couldn't help dreading the emotions that were going to drown me once I got up there.

Hermione could tell that I wasn't feeling all that great about spending my time here in that room. She didn't say it though, but her eyes told me everything she didn't. There was remorse, understanding, and for a moment, pity. Mum on the other hand didn't notice either of us as she blabbed on and on about her new hobby that was going to take up all the free time she would have with all of us not living at home anymore. I let her voice fade into the background, even when I opened the door and peered into my temporary home.

It was the same as I remembered it. Except instead of one tiny bed and a cot, there was now a nice size bed (for one) and simple lavender covers just begging to be slept in. All of Ron's old things were on the walls still, but they didn't bother me, and the smell that the ghoul in the attic had left when it had spent some time impersonating Ron was thankfully gone.

"Well, as you can see your father did some redecorating before you came, except we couldn't quite get all of Ron's posters off the walls." Mum smiled fondly at them, probably imagining us all in here some years ago when we were still young and carefree. Hermione cleared her throat and my mother popped out of her musings.

"I hope you feel better Gin, and I'll pop by in the morning with some more of your things." Hermione ushered my Mum towards the door. "Come on Molly, you can show me what you've been doing with all your free time."

Mum looked at Hermione then looked at me. "You sure you don't want us to stay with you for a bit Ginny dear?" She asked in a soft voice.

I shook my head. "No Mum, I think I'll be fine."

Hermione and I exchanged one last look before she closed the door after Mum. When I heard the tell-tale click of the door sliding into place, I released the sigh I had been holding onto all the way up here.

Oh, the memories in this room.

Ron had been kind enough to lend it to Harry after the war while he shared a room with George. Like a true friend he understood that Harry needed his time alone. We all had lost so much in that battle, though the emotional wounds healed with time.

I sat down on the new bed and looked around. My bags were over by the door, there was a new lamp on the nightstand by the bed, and someone had left a group photo on the dresser by the window. I didn't bother to get up to look at it. We had one just like it on the mantle on the living room at Grimmauld Place.

I grabbed a pillow from the bed and hugged it. It didn't smell like anyone and I liked it. Yet this room held such a sweet and painful memory, that as I leaned back onto the bed still hugging that pillow I couldn't help remembering.

December. Just after the War trials. Christmas.

Everyone was at the Burrow for the holidays. Even Teddy and his grandparents visited and spent a night here. It was crowded. Very, very crowded.

We were all sitting down for dinner, laughing and talking and just being ourselves. Harry stood up with a glass of wine in his hand (his first if I my memory was correct but not his last) and we all grew silent.

He looked around at everyone before he spoke, "This Christmas has been the warmest, the busiest and the saddest we've ever had. We've all lost so much in the past year, I can't remember when I've worn so much black before." He paused while some of us giggled at this. "Yet I can't stand here today and continue to mourn as I have these past few months." He sighed. "Being here with all the people I love and mean so much to me… I can't dwell on the past. This Christmas shouldn't be about what was, but about what will be." He raised his glass and we all followed; the room was deathly silent. "Here's to the future."

"To the future." Everyone echoed in a calm unison.

After dinner things picked up again. My brothers engaged in an indoor snow ball fight to my mother's horror and the girls discussed career options and presents. Harry and I exchanged heated looks all night. I knew what he was thinking. We had discussed this before when one of our "make-out" sessions got a bit too heated and we had to stop before someone walked in on us. We wanted our first time to be special. Who doesn't? We actually planned the whole thing out. Christmas was a very special time for all of us and what better time than to slip away for a while, while everyone was distracted by other people.

So when I saw Harry look up towards the stairs I politely excused myself from my end of the party and headed up to Harry's room. It was the only room in the house that we knew that no one would hear us and no one would dare to enter without knocking first.

Five minutes after I got there I decided to slip into something a bit more, as I like to put it, easy to get out of. Earlier that evening I had popped up here while Harry was distracted, with the excuse that I had forgotten a gift upstairs. Well, it was a gift all right, but I had meant to leave it upstairs.

Hidden underneath the bed that Harry had transfigured bigger was a white box with the laciest lingerie that I could find in muggle London. Baby blue, from the top of the bra straps to the ends of the garter belt. Even my nylons were baby blue. I grabbed the finishing touch to my Christmas gift from a second box. Red with little gold writing. This box contained a kimono style robe that went half way down my calf. Tying the silk kimono closed I waited on the bed lying on my side and looking every inch the irresistible minx that I knew I was.

Harry's face was priceless. When he opened that door with a bottle of champagne in one hand and two glasses in the other, his jaw dropped.

As he swallowed hard he let his eyes drink me up. He didn't even bother to hide it as his eyes ran from one end of me to the other. It was priceless.

"Merry Christmas." I said softly to him.

He took a step into the room and kicked the door shut behind him. "Merry Christmas indeed." He set the wine bottle and glasses on the nightstand next to the bed and leaned over me, capturing my waiting lips with his own.

Harry was a gentle kisser, always asking before he took more. I didn't even give him a chance to ask as I slipped my tongue into his mouth and tasted him there. It was bliss. He tasted of wine, cheese and lemon tart. Sweet, strong and tangy. Our tongues moved together in an oh-so-familiar dance as Harry climbed onto the bed, covering me with his warmth while he removed his shoes. It always surprised me how graceful he was when we made out, like he had done this a million times before.

One of his hands slid into my hair to bring our lips closer together, while his other hand slipped in between us and undid the loose knot of my robe. We broke apart, mostly for air, and he looked down as he used both his hands to reveal my attire. His eyes lit up and when he looked me straight in the eyes there was a warm hunger there that I knew was only for me.

"Beautiful." He whispered before he returned to kissing me until I saw stars. Somewhere among our making out, Harry lost not only his coat to the floor, but his vest, socks and shirt. My stockings were removed with gentle kisses to my pale freckled legs and my robe un-ceremoniously tossed a top the lamp on the night stand. The rest of my clothes stayed on me. Harry seemed to like it. I could tell from the low growls I received when he decided to taste every inch of my lace-covered body that he really did like my gift.

When I started to fumble with the belt on his pants, Harry stilled my hands and looked my seriously in the face. "Are you sure about this?" his breathing was laboured and a sweat was starting to build on his forehead. I could only nod. I was nervous and scared. Anyone would be their first time, but I loved Harry and this was what I wanted.

He let my hands go and I undid the belt, the button and the zipper. His pants slid over his narrow hips and pooled at his ankles before he kicked them the rest of the way off. There he was in only a pair of grey briefs, his cock tenting the fabric. My palms were sweating as I reached for the waist band to his briefs. He kissed me as he took my wrists in his hands he finished what I had planned to do with his briefs. They joined the rest of the clothes on the floor.

Then he smirked, running his palms up my legs towards the baby blue thong I wore. With quick movements it too joined the rest of the garments on the floor. I knew I was wet, even before he touched me. I was tingling down there, anticipating what he was going to do to me. Then his thumb brushed my clit and a shock ran up my spine. I twitched, gasping lightly in my surprise. He smiled down at me leaning his weight on his other arm as his fingers explored my pussy.

I couldn't help it; I squirmed, and gasped, and moaned his name. I wanted more, oh god how I wanted more. Then his fingers slid inside of me. I flinched. It wasn't comfortable, but he kissed me then. It was a delicious distraction. His lips made a trail along my jaw down the side of my neck where he sucked lightly on my ear and then the junction between my neck and my shoulder. It was wonderful, so much so that I didn't notice him adding another finger inside me.

He was suckling my breast where it spilled from my bra when he looked up at me. His eyes were asking me permission and all I could do was give it to him. I nodded, my breathe and his coming hard and fast.

I felt his dick along my clit. 'This is it,' I thought.

"Hold onto me, okay?" He whispered in my ear. I felt my hands clamp onto his shoulders as he lifted his hips up allowing me to spread my legs so that he was lying between them.

I jolted up from the bed, I hadn't noticed that I passed out. I looked around the room, it was dark aside from the light spilling in through the window. I brought my now shaking hands to my face to wipe the sweat from my forehead.

That's when I felt it, warm, wet, tears. I hadn't cried this whole time, but now I knew I was. It wasn't fair, I knew I could be stronger than this. I knew that I could hold out, well only until I landed on my feet again.

When I finished wiping the tears from my eyes and collected myself enough to go to bed, I promised myself that I wouldn't let my memories bait me. I missed him and it hurt, but it would lessen over time.

That night I had a strange dream; even when I woke I could still recall all the details.

_Twigs and dead branches crunched underfoot as I walked along the dirt path before me. _

_There wasn't a thing around me aside from the forest. Not even a sound. It felt natural here to be so quiet, yet I knew deep down that it wasn't. _

_My night gown snagged on something and as I bent down to free the gown, I noticed that it was the gown that Harry had gotten me for my birthday last year. It was the color of sparkling wine and flowed like water around me as I walked. I couldn't feel in it my hand as I lifted it from a bush. Strange, that I couldn't feel it._

_I continued on the path._

_It started to grow darker. As the light dimmed over the tree tops I could hear the forest come alive. Then as I spotted a fork in the path further ahead of me a white fox appeared to block my way. It looked at me with mocking silver eyes, as if it knew a secret about me and couldn't wait to share it with others. I glared down at it. Then it cocked its head to the side; its expression was quizzical. I couldn't help but smile. Somehow the fox reminded me of Draco Malfoy, with white hair and silver eyes that somehow were more expressive than its face. _

_I brushed past it, not afraid that it might bite me, and continued down the path when suddenly I felt a tug at the bottom of the night gown. Looking back I saw that the white fox had its paw on my gown. It turned its head towards the woods and away from the path, then back to me. When I didn't move right away the fox did it again. _

_Taking the hint I sighed and resigned myself to follow. I pushed back the branch blocking my way, I couldn't feel it. A bush grazed my leg and I couldn't feel it. I could hear the world around me, yet I couldn't see a single animal. I stopped to pluck a leaf from a nearby branch. It had no smell, and it felt like nothing. The fox watched me examine the leaf in silence. When I looked down, it opened its mouth as if it was going to bark, but nothing came out. _

_Strange._

_We kept on the fox's path through the woods. _

_When endless time passed the fox popped through tall shrubbery. As I pushed and struggled through bushes I couldn't feel I came upon a simple clearing. Standing in the middle of the clearing was a large oak tree. It was huge; not even five grown men could reach each other finger to finger if they tried to hug the tree. Walking up to the tree in awe, I didn't notice the fox leave the clearing. _

_The tree was warm. Strange how through my whole journey here that this tree would feel warm. The leaves were a strange shade of green, too deep for a normal oak tree, almost like Harry's eyes. _

_That's when the emotions hit. The warmth from the tree felt like his, the color of the leaves were the color of his eyes. Lost. Forgiveness. Loneliness. Guilt. Why wasn't I with him anymore? How could I leave him?_

_Suddenly a stag walked into the clearing. Its deep rich coat glowed in the moon light that leaked through the leaves. It turned towards the tree, its deep green eyes locking with my own. The feeling was unnerving, as if this stag was someone I knew, yet didn't. When it took a final step to stand next to me I reached out to feel its black coat. _

_It was warm. _

_Very warm._

_I sighed, leaning towards the stag and resting my head against its broad shoulder. How familiar this felt, his warmth beneath my hand. I cried then, silently to myself. All the while a pair of silver eyes watched from the shadows._

When I woke the next morning my face was slightly wet and my eyes were swollen as if I had spent the night crying. I lay there for a while before I heard my mother call my name from a couple flights down. As I left the room heading towards the bathroom to clean myself up I turned to look at the picture I had set face down on the dresser, "I miss you." I whispered.

In my heart I knew these words were true.

* * *

A/N: Thank you for Reading my beginners attempt at writting, please R&R and if you readers have any suggestions please feel free to tell me.


	3. A Familiar Face

A/N: Well here it is... the next chapter. I do apologise for getting it to you all so late, this month has been a little busy for me. You will be happy to know the my editor has the next chapter and I've started the 5th on. I'm thinking that this story is going to be fairly long. Which is a surprise for me. Also I'm planning on have a bit of naughty stuff happen in... well you'll see ;)  
I don't own anything about these characters... if I did... well you wouldn't want to know... w

There are no warnings really for this chapter. Please don't forget to R&R.

* * *

Back Stage Pass Chapter 3: A Familiar Face

I had to make a trip into town to call Emilia. The phone Dad had tried to keep hooked up in the house kept sprouting bunny ears and random animal tails for weeks, so he got rid of it to save everyone the hassle of removing the appendages before using the phone.

Truthfully I just wanted to get out of the house.

When I got into town I got funny looks from the people walking the main street. Well, you couldn't really call four store fronts a main street, but it was a small town.

I found a working phone at the post office; the teller at the grocery store told me that was the only public one besides the one in the pub that worked. Sadly the connection was crap.

After my third attempt at dialling the number it went through. On the third ring a cheery young sounding girl picked up.

"Hello, Harefield Estate, Blair speaking."

"Hi, my name is Ginny Weasley and I'm looking for Emilia Pacquin."

"Oh yes! Emilia told us that we should be expecting your phone call."

"She did?"

"Yes, of course silly." The girl giggled over the phone. "She told us to tell you when you called that there would be a ticket waiting for you at the King's Cross."

"Really?" Okay, so this Emilia lady was well organized and knew that I was going to call in the near future. It was unnerving and exciting at the same time.

"Yes, but personally I wouldn't let you come here on your own. I think Drake is going to be heading down here in a few days if you wanted to come down with him?" It was a gentle offer and the sincerity in her voice was a refreshing sound.

"Okay, that sounds good to me. When should I meet him?"

There was a pause and the sound of ruffling papers filled the receiver, "His train is leaving at 11 o'clock Tuesday morning."

"That's perfect. Where should I meet him?"

"Hmmm, the ticket booth work for you?"

"Yes it does."

A few minutes later I was heading back home in much better spirits. Blair was a very sweet young girl and was very accommodating. On the way back home it never crossed my mind on how I would tell my parents I was going to be leaving so soon. I simply had a feeling that it would eventually be brought up in conversation at some point today.

I was right. At lunch Mum asked me if I wanted to have my old room back or renovate Ron's old one. It was just the two of us in the kitchen eating so I didn't feel too pressured to tell her the truth. She was surprised but pleased that I was doing something with myself, though I suspected that she wanted me to stay longer than just a few days.

"Well, I suppose your father and I could drive you down to the station that morning." Dad had purchased a very old and beaten up Volvo from a muggle co-worker of his, he wouldn't admit it but he was deeply tempted to add a bit of magic to the car just to see what would happen. Mum just kept an eye on him and the car whenever she could.

"Sure that sounds great."

"Good, maybe the night before your brothers could come over for dinner." Mum huffed as she got up from the table collecting our plates as she went.

I noticed the spark in her eye and I knew that she was using my leaving for Harefield as an excuse to have everyone over for dinner. To her, any excuse to see family was a good excuse.

The next two days passed by like a breeze. Ron and Hermione popped in to check up on me and bring some more of my things over that I couldn't bring over the first time. My brothers (all of them if you can believe it) showed up at the Burrow at random times of the day to say hi. George even brought samples of new products over for me to look at; I assumed he was tempting me with a job at his shop. I told him "no". Mum rambled on and on about her sewing hobby and how much she was enjoying it and Dad, well the two of us snuck off to play with Sirius's bike. It had become Dad's other pet project aside from the car.

The morning of the day I was scheduled to depart I was unceremoniously woken by a loud *BANG* from the back garden. Shooting up in bed I instinctively reached for my wand on the nightstand. Throwing a light robe over my pyjamas I hurried downstairs, only to spot my brothers and father through a hall window out in the back garden. A few seconds later I saw Mum storm out, wielding her wand and yelling at them. All I could get out of what she said to them was, "Idiots, morons, children…" It was like the old days in the house, I just had to smile.

Taking a slower pace down the stairs I tucked my wand into my robe pocket humming to myself. Somehow I just felt like it was going to be a great day. I didn't know at the moment just how wrong I was going to be.

Breakfast was busy as always when my brothers were over. They teased me and bothered mum by setting off smaller fireworks in the house. Dad and I sat as far back from the noise as we could. This was something I was going to miss.

After eating as much food as I possibly could, I had - or rather, my Mum made - my brothers bring my bags down to the front. There were lots of hugs and surprisingly sincere wishes of good luck from everyone. Five minutes of holding back tears and Dad and I were down the room heading towards King's Cross. (Mum started crying so much that she had to lie down so we told her to stay home.)

I couldn't say that the drive to the station wasn't… uncomfortable, but it didn't help that each time Dad tried to start a conversation it ended with uncomfortable silence.

King's Cross was packed. Muggles were everywhere, and I still didn't know how I was going to identify Drake. Dad gave me a hug and a hand getting my luggage onto a cart.

"Are you sure you don't want me to wait with you?" Dad asked again as he ogled all the muggles walking around us. I couldn't help giggling at him.

"No, Dad. I think I'll be fine." I patted him on the arm and took hold of the cart. We hugged again and said goodbye.

Navigating my way to the ticket booths was just impossible. I had to shove a few people out of my way and I actually ran over someone's foot just to get them to move. When I reached the ticket booth, the line up seemed to last forever. What felt like an hour later I was arguing with the teller. Apparently my ticket wasn't there for me anymore, someone had already come to get it.

"What do you mean someone already came to get it?"

"Sorry miss, but the ticket that was on reserve for you was picked up an hour ago."

"Who took it?"

"Hmmm, if I remember correctly, a young man with light blond hair. He was wearing a blue sweater…" she got this look on her face like she was about to sigh and drool all over the place.

Oh brother, he was one of _those_ guys. Well at least the train ride wouldn't be as boring as I thought it was going to be.

"Can you tell me if he said to meet him somewhere?"

The teller shook her head and looked down at her desk. "Oh, yes. He left this for you." She handed me a folded note. "He didn't leave a name, if that's what you were going to ask me." Her tone was condescending and I knew it was directed at me.

Thanking her I took the note. It was simple and the writing seemed eerily familiar.

_Weasley,_

_Will be waiting at the station's coffee shop._

Simple and straight to the point. I liked it.

So the coffee shop was a complete reversal from the hustle and bustle of the main floors upstairs. Lugging my luggage cart around was a pain, though the prospect of coffee was truly alluring.

As I pushed the coffee shop doors open I was expecting, well I didn't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. Sitting at the only occupied table was indeed a blond wearing a blue sweater. But said blond was the last person that I had ever expected to see.

* * *

I hadn't expected to receive a call from Harefield. Especially on the morning I was going to be heading back down to the house. Blair lacked the common sense to tell me exactly who I would be "escorting" down to the house. It was typical of her to do that. Though when I arrived at King's Cross to pick up the tickets, I had a small aneurism.

Weasley. Ginevra Weasley was the person I would be spending the better part of this day with. It just wasn't fair. I definitely would need a coffee before I could even think about meeting her.

The only coffee shop at the station was blissfully empty when I wandered into it. Weasley wouldn't be here for at least half hour. I had time. So I ordered myself an espresso and a bagel, walked over to a table and proceeded to skim through a muggle newspaper, silently praying to some unknown God/Goddess to give me a bit of luck today.

* * *

Draco Malfoy was sipping a coffee from a red mug, reading a muggle newspaper. Draco and muggle things just didn't seem to fit but knowing that he was the person that Blair had called "Drake" and would be the one the go the Harefield with me… I was a little bit in shock. Thankfully he hadn't noticed me yet.

Walking up to the table I plastered a smile on my face. Malfoys played people, so it was only best to play too.

"Well this is a surprise." I cooed.

Malfoy set down his paper and looked up at me. I didn't have my arms crossed in front of me, my carryon prevented that, but I really wanted to just glare down at me. Unfortunately, it seemed that this Malfoy wasn't the playing type. Pity, it would have been fun.

"Weasley." Malfoy nodded at me in greeting. "Would you like to join me for coffee before we go?"

I hesitated for two seconds before I set the carryon down next to the empty chair across from Malfoy. "Sure, why not."

Malfoy ordered me a tall coffee, black. The waitress brought over some cream and sugar and when my coffee came I added what I liked to the cup. We sat together for a bit not really talking. It was weird.

"Well our train should be leaving soon, so we better go."

Hmmm. It was strange really, watching Malfoy push a luggage cart ahead of me. He had put on a black dress coat that was hanging on the back of his chair. He looked like a fancy bodyguard. If only I didn't already know who he was. We were showed to a first class compartment were my things were stored away for me and a hot meal would be brought later on the journey. The compartment was luxurious. Leather seats edge in dark oak, silk curtains tied neatly next to the windows, and a small private bathroom complete with a shower stall. Overall it was a lot classier than I was used to.

"I wouldn't get too use to this." Malfoy calming explained.

I looked up at him. He was taking off his coat and I just couldn't help but watch as his thin sweater was briefly pulled tight across his chest. Oops. I was doing it again. Shaking my head I averted my gaze before I replied. "Why?"

"Emilia bought me this ticket as bribe to come back." He sounded irritated.

I raised a brow at him in question, but he didn't explain any further.

* * *

I had no idea why I even said any of that. It wasn't even that important. Emilia simply wanted me to take some time off from work. "A vacation" she said. I knew I wouldn't have even bothered to come if I was given another one of those "middle class" tickets. This was the only luxury I've been privileged to receive in a long time. It was my father's way of telling me that I still had responsibilities to the Malfoys. So much for family.

Removing my coat I set my things up on the luggage hold above the seats. Strangely I felt like someone was watching me. No surprise who that was.

Yep, she had been watching me, if the blush on her cheeks was anything to go by. She was kind of cute when she blushed. Okay, not something that usually pops into my head when I think of a Weasley. Then again she wasn't half bad to look at.

Long slender build, fiery red hair with natural steaks of blond and light brown. Her freckles seemed to have disappeared with age, or that could have been just the light tan she was sporting. She was curvy, but she didn't look like a boy either. Athletic, I think the word is. She probably played Quidditch with her brothers, knowing that family that had to be the case.

I wonder what Wonder Boy did to lose her. He definitely needed his head checked.

* * *

We sat in silence as the train departed the station. I had so many questions to ask him I just didn't know where to start.

Half hour into our train ride I couldn't take the silence anymore. I knew Malfoy was checking me out; it was obvious we were both stealing glances when we thought the other person wasn't looking. I needed to distract him.

"So what have you been doing with yourself lately?" Neutral question. Good start. Safe.

"School, working. Nothing really exciting." He answered calmly, his facing giving nothing away.

"What are you taking?"

"Legal Studies."

"Oh really? How's that?" I was interested now. This was one side of Malfoy I wasn't expecting to see… ever.

"It's good, I like it."

I raise an eye brow at him. There was something in his tone when he said that something else was going on there. "Your parents approve?" Dumb question. Not safe.

He glares at me and crosses his arm in front of him. "I don't NEED their approval. Least of all for this." He bit out.

"I guessed as much. But they must have said something, right?" I knew I was asking for it, but could I be blamed for wanting to know?

"They did." He sighed and looked down. "My mother was overjoyed that I found something that I was good at besides bullying people." Malfoy paused again. It looked like he was trying to come up with the right words while keeping his temper in check. "My father on the other hand threatened to disown me the first year I went to school. Then he proceeded to force me to meet every eligible woman in pureblood England and Europe when I didn't fold after his first threat. Now he's simply cut me off and my mother has to sneak me money every month just so that I can finish school and continue living on my own."

* * *

Fuck, why did I just say that? It just pissed me off just thinking about it. Damn my father. If I didn't resolve myself to get this legal degree then I would have caved sooner.

I knew Weasley could see that I was upset by this. I was practically digging my nails into my arms.

Wait, why was she sitting next to me? When did she move? What did she think she was…

* * *

Malfoy's lips where soft yet firm. It was nothing like kissing Harry. Kissing Harry was like kissing a wild beast, there was lots of tongue and biting and heat and loss of breath. Malfoy was the complete opposite. Yes, there was tongue - skilful tongue - but nothing about this kiss was wild. I felt my pulse quicken and my breathing grow laboured. My hands clung to Malfoy's sweater like it was a life line.

His left arm wound around my waist and his other hand slipped into my hair. He held me close to him and I couldn't help my hands running up his firm chest to his shoulders to slip into his hair. It was silky like mine, though so much finer than my own.

I couldn't help the moan that escaped and at first I didn't know who did it until I felt Malfoy's lips turn upwards into a small smile. Damn he was good.

When we broke apart I was happy to note that Malfoy was fighting for breath like I was. His face was flushed and there was a look in his eyes. A predatory look. I couldn't help the shiver that ran through me.

"You should be careful." His hot breath brushed my warm skin. "I might just take advantage you." He smirked. Yet his tone of voice and the look on his face showed me that he was only being playful. I couldn't help but return the favour.

"And here I thought I was taking advantage of you."

He laughed. Outright laughed, head back, mouth open in a grin, chest shaking from the sound. It was rich sound, not deep like Harry's but just as pleasant to listen to.

When he stopped we moved a little apart from each other. Not too far that we weren't able to touch but just close enough that his hands were now resting on my hips while my hands rested on his forearms.

We looked at each other for a moment before Malfoy spoke in a serious tone. "Why did you kiss me?"

* * *

A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... I love cliff hangers... it's just sooooo perfect. And I think Malfoy is cute when he's all flustered. it will happen more often I asure you all. R&R please.


	4. Harefield

A/N: I do apologies for the late update on the story... I've been researchering material for the story and working on my re-writes on another story.  
I don't own the characters... blah blah blah and all that disclaimer stuff.

Anyway, here it is.

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Chapter 4: Harefield

Okay, so I wasn't really planning on kissing him, but now that he had asked me why... well I really didn't know why.

Malfoy sat sits there waiting for my answer, his thumbs rubbing circles into my hips; it was a little distracting. I wanted to say something, anything really, because the silence was deafening.

"Well?" He raised his eyes brows at me in a sort of encouragement.

Taking a shallow deep breath I replied, "I just felt like it." It was the truth, sort of. I couldn't very well tell him that I wanted to comfort him by kissing him now could I? That would have just made me sound petty and really weird.

"Okay." He had this confused look on his face. My own face probably reflected this.

"I should go sit over…" Oh God! He was kissing me again. Malfoy was kissing me! Oh, God did it feel good. I melted into his arms and his hands moved smoothly from my hips to my lower back. He drew me in so close that I was flush against his chest, my arms wrapped around his shoulders.

There was another moan, but this time it didn't come from me.

* * *

I cursed my hormones. I wasn't a little boy anymore, so what was I doing kissing her? Oh shit, did I just moan? Yep, I did.

She was good at this though. Her tongue was so curious and she… did she just lick the roof of my mouth? Ahhh, yes she did. FUCK! I had to stop. She just broke up with her boyfriend for Merlin's sake.

I wrenched my mouth away from hers and she let out a small protesting noise that just made my blood rush to all the right places. She was going to be the death of me.

"We can't do this." I panted against her lips. She simply nodded in agreement, though her eyes were tinted with lust.

"No we can't, can we?" Her whispered voice was thick and heavy. As exciting as train sex would be, it just didn't feel right.

So I gently nudged her away from me, her arms falling uselessly to her lap, and proceeded to enter the washroom. Lunch would be shortly which would help to avoid this… what was this? I mean, I'd taken advantage of women (and men), I'd even been the rebound guy for some of the people that I'd been with. What was it about her that just made me feel so… disconnected?

Splashing water onto my face I pushed the palm of my hand against the bulge in my pants, willing my erection away. Thinking of Dolores Umbridge in a flamingo pink bikini did the trick, but I knew I would have a few nightmares after picturing that.

Weasley was sitting in her original seat, her face flushed red to the roots. She was rummaging around in her bag. I didn't say anything as I opened the door to the compartment and silently closed it behind me. I needed a smoke.

* * *

I watched Malfoy leave while I sifted through my bag. I was only faking it, but I just needed something to distract myself. Kissing Malfoy and being kissed by him was intoxicating. I didn't think that I could get enough of him if he was free for the taking. What was I saying? After everything that I had just been through I wanted a rebound relationship with… with Draco Malfoy? Merlin, I must be ill. This trip was going to be a nightmare.

Thankfully, ten minutes later our lunch arrived. Malfoy came back from whatever he was doing. I noticed that he smelled like tobacco smoke but didn't comment about it. His habits were just that: his.

We shared small talk during the meal and afterwards I pulled out one of the books I packed in my carryon bag and engrossed myself in the pages. The book was a muggle work of fiction about two individuals who hated each other but then fell in love because they hated each other so much. I had to laugh at the irony.

During the trip Malfoy got up and left two more times before the train reached the station we were depart at, each time returning smelling like an ashtray. I wanted to ask him about the smoking, but many people had developed some bad habits from the war so I didn't question it. We all had our vices. I just wished he would do something about the smell.

Leaving the station I noticed that the town was further up the road and the station was set on top of a hill, giving us a view of the surrounding area. It was nice. Very open, very quiet. There was a small parking lot down a bit from the station and I could spot a few vehicles there.

Malfoy motioned for me to follow him towards a paved path to the parking lot. When we reached the lot he headed towards a Red Ford Truck. It looked like it was for off-roading. Harry had explained the concept to me when we discussed going camping last summer. It was big and it was bulky and it screamed 'This is a Man's Truck'. I wanted to pop the tires and laugh.

"Elroy told me that he would be leaving his truck here so we could bring your things up to the house without any trouble." explained Malfoy.

"That was thoughtful of him." I hoisted my trunk into the back of the pick-up. "But who is he?"

Malfoy looked over at me, "Oh, he's one the priests. You'll meet him when we get to Harefield."

"How many priests and priestesses are there?"

"Where? At Harefield?" Malfoy pondered the question before he continued. "Well in England alone there's about fifty. Europe, there's over two hundred and don't even ask me how many there are in the States."

I whistled at the number. "A lot, huh? So what's Harefield specifically?"

"It's sort of the meeting place for everyone in England, but it's also a training house for newcomers like you." He explained.

"Interesting."

We finished getting the rest of my things in to the back of the truck and hopped into the cab. It was an American model which made sitting in what would have been the driver's seat kind of awkward. It was spacious though and the seats were comfortable enough. I definitely wouldn't buy something like this for myself, but I guess it worked out nicely if you liked the outdoors.

"So is there a high priest kind of like Emilia is the high priestess?" I wanted to know more about where I was going to be staying. I didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of anyone else that might be living there.

Malfoy started the truck before answering me. "Yeah, Alastair is the high priest. He and Emilia have been in charge of the priests and priestesses of Avalon for about thirty years now. I think next year they plan on selecting their successors."

"Oh really."

"Yep."

"Do you know who they are going to pick?" That was kind of exciting news. Somehow I could see myself approaching future priestesses and priests like Emilia did with me.

Malfoy's face looked bitter for a moment before it relaxed again. "Nope. And frankly I don't want to know." His voice hid nothing of his earlier bitterness.

"Why?" I ask cautiously.

"What do you care?" He bit out. Malfoy looked uncomfortable with the topic we were obviously heading towards. I had a feeling that something was bothering him, yet something in me told me that it wasn't really a good time to ask. So I didn't.

Changing the topic I asked him a different question as he pulled in along the main road to town. "So how many years have you been a priest of Avalon?"

He half smiled. "Too long."

I raised an eye brow at him. "How long is too long?" I quipped.

His half smile turned into a full one. "Since I was nine."

Okay, that really surprised me. I never would have guessed that all through school that Malfoy was a priest; he had a talent for hiding things it seemed. "Wow. I never would have guessed that."

"No you wouldn't." he half laughed while taking a turn heading along the outside of the small town. "We aren't allowed to speak of our practices. Something to do with the Oath of Merlin."

My brows furrowed. "What's that?"

Malfoy spared me a quick look, mirth clearly written on his features. "You'll learn about it later. I promise."

Looking out the passenger window I watched the small houses pass by. The town was small and quaint. It was nice and kind of cute. Ten minutes out of town we turned off onto a dirt track and I understood why the truck was specifically built for off-roading. Every bump we drove over jostled me and I nearly bit my lip several times. Malfoy on the other hand looked completely at ease driving down the bumpy gravel road. The cocky bastard actually smirked when he caught me swearing under my breath whenever I would clink my teeth together. I had to say I wasn't at all pleased with the ride.

Half hour later we pulled up to what I would describe as a mansion. It was done in the old Victorian style from what Malfoy was describing to me as we drove up to it. Three floors, two wings, an indoor swimming pool and a library that stretched up all three floors in the west wing of the mansion. It had a terrace in the back attached to what was now used as a dining hall but was once a dance hall. The gardens contained a small koi pond, 9 acres of plush forest and grass land, not to mention the mini maze which contained more flowers than you would see in one place and small mausoleums near the east part of the grounds. Overall it was large impressive home that declared itself too grand and important.

We entered into what was once a carriage house but which had been converted to house cars instead. "The majority of the bedrooms are located in the east wing, so I think it's safe to say that your room will be there as well. The kitchen is just off the entrance you see across from the garage." Malfoy explained as we left the converted garage and walked along a short path to the side of the house and straight into the kitchens. The door was left wide open and the smell of baking wafted out onto the grounds.

There wasn't anyone in kitchen when we walked past, but there was a cooling rack on a pale wooden table with steaming bread rolls fresh from the oven. It somehow gave the room a country feel.

"So which wing is the east wing?" I wasn't really in the mood for talking since I wanted to grab a few of those rolls. I hadn't noticed how hungry I was till I smelled those. But I was distracted as I continued to follow Malfoy past the kitchen and into a small foyer. Old England beckoned me to come and relive the old ages of rich fabrics and colourful tiles. I wandered opened mouthed after Malfoy, looking at all the details and rich wood that was the interior of the mansion.

"Wow, this place is really something." I murmured.

Malfoy chuckled behind me, "There's more to see in the rest of the house."

"Really?" I had gotten a taste of beauty and I found myself wanting more.

Malfoy openly chuckled at me. "Just follow me."

Indeed the house was even more spectacular than in the kitchen and the side foyer. Malfoy was even kind enough to give descriptions of everything as we walked along his "tour".

It was interesting to hear what he had to say. On the second floor were the bedrooms mainly used for guests; each hall contained a different theme that went on into the bedrooms as well. We passed by the library where I meet both Blair and Roxanne. It was nice to finally put a face to the voice I heard over the phone. Blair was a petite curly-haired blond with soft grey eyes and a rosy complexion. Roxanne could have been her perfect opposite. Short spiky black hair, green hazel eyes freckled pale skin and as tall as or even taller than Emilia. The woman was a giant in my books.

The large bay windows in the library spared me a moment to really take in the grounds, and I must say I was impressed with the views. We passed by a few empty offices that I was allowed to poke my head into and on the way to the third floor I got to see the 'play room'. It was a small child's dream room. It had everything in it. There was a doll house big enough for a small child to walk into with a wooden kitchen inside and a table all set up for tea inside, action figures littered the floor in one corner of the room, I even spotted a makeshift puppet theater covered in various types of puppets in another corner.

The third floor, thankfully our last stop for my arms and legs were getting tired, held the bedrooms of the more permanent residents of the estate. Again the halls were done in different designs; most if not all continued on into the bedrooms.

Malfoy led me down a corridor near the end of the hall. Down it I could see four doors, each engraved with animal designs.

"So your room is the last one on the left here." Malfoy indicated pointing towards our intended destination.

When Malfoy and I reached my room I started to feel a little nervous. It wasn't as if this had been a date where I was expecting to kiss the gentlemen goodbye at the end. Yet I had this overwhelming feeling that I should do something. I just didn't know what.

"I'll ask one of the guys to come help me bring up the rest of your things." Malfoy explained as he set down on of my bags and shuffled from foot to foot.

"Thanks." I replied meekly. I had no idea what I was doing; this was just too foreign to me.

Hesitating Malfoy opened his mouth, "Ginevra." He started but I stopped him by raising my hand.

"If we're going to be living together then I think it's only fair that you call me Ginny."

Draco smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Then I guess you have to call me Draco from now on as well." His smile turned into a smirk.

"Alright, I think I can manage that." I nodded politely before reaching for the door handle. Draco took it as his cue to head back to the truck for the rest of my things and I was left alone to explore my new room.

Make that "rooms." I had two rooms and a large bathroom all to myself. The first room I entered was sort of a drawing room. Two plush leather couches sat facing a short oval table in front of a cold fireplace. There was built-in shelving along majority of the walls, and next to the large bay windows was a little reading nook. The whole room was done in a deep midnight blue with silver and forest green accents. There was a desk and chair which were a dark oak; the design of the chair made it look like someone had plucked it straight from the forest.

As for the bedroom itself, the colours from the drawing room continued on into the bedroom. The four poster bed had to have been queen size because it was just too much space for me to sleep in. The covers and drapes were the same midnight blue as the other room, except they didn't contain any forest green - only speckles of silver, kind of like stars. A thick carpet covered most of the hardwood flooring in this room and the other as well. Double doors separated the two rooms from each other.

Dark oak furniture filled this room as well. There were two identical nightstands next to the bed, as well as a small vanity to the right and two closets flanking the doors.

Off to the left of the room was the bathroom which was just as overwhelming as the rest of the rooms. Soft blues and sandy creams surrounded me. The tiling had an Asian feel to the design and the ceiling even had a skylight. There was a large bath tub big enough to fit at least four people in it comfortably and the shower had multiple nozzles. On one wall was a full length mirror. Unnecessary, but beautiful.

After my awe-filled tour of my rooms I decided to seek out the kitchen. My stomach refused to allow me to forget the buns that were cooling on the kitchen table. After a quick meal I planned on getting my things all unpacked or at least organised. On my way down the hall I bumped into two men who were lugging my things up to my room. The first grunted at me in greeting, which really left a lot to desire. The other man was a bit more vocal.

"Don't mind him. Quinn never really says much." The speaker was a little taller than me and I would have guessed that he was younger than me if not for the five o'clock shadow he was sporting. He had wavy short dirt blond hair, a nice smile the touched his olive eyes and fair skin. "I'm Elroy." He held his hand out to me and I shook it. "Welcome to Harefield."

"Thank you." I said not forgetting my manners. "I'm Ginny."

"We know that." The other fellow remarked from down the hall, the deep timbre of his voice laced with annoyance. He was tall, dark and had this way about him that said 'stay away and don't bother to get to know me if you know what's good for you'. I shivered inwardly as I glared at him.

Elroy laughed again and told Quinn to play nice before he told Alastair he was being rude to the new girl. Quinn huffed, tapping his foot on the carpeted floor.

The kitchen was empty when I got there. Someone probably had come by to put the fresh-baked rolls away because the cooling rack was gone, as were the rolls. Disappointed that I couldn't grab one right away, I scrounged around the kitchen until I found myself a light snack and, thankfully, the rolls as well. Settling into a seat at the wooden table I tucked into my meal.

While I was quietly eating my dinner I heard voices heading towards me. A bit nervous about how I would be received I wiped my mouth and neatly pushed my plate away.

A few seconds later Emilia walked in carrying a small child and followed by two other women.

"Well hello my dear." She greeted me.

"Hello Emilia."

"I'm glad to see that you are settling in alright here." I nodded as she continued. "This is Danica." She indicated the slightly tan woman to her left with long blond hair and blue gray eyes. Danica was a bit on the heavier side but you could say she was ugly by any means. "And I hear you've already met Roxanne, my dearest cousin." Said woman greeted me politely.

"And I'm Megan." A sweet voice came from the girl in Emilia's arms. She looked to be eight or nine years old and was the spitting image of her mother, if Emilia was her mother that is.

The ladies laughed lightly saying that indeed the little girl was who she said she was.

Confirming my suspicions Emilia said, "Megan's my daughter and will be living here with us until she starts school."

Emilia set Megan down on her feet and the four of them joined me for a short meal. There was going to be a meeting that night so they didn't have much time to spare for a proper meal. Emilia left Megan in my capable hands as they left to get ready.

It was a delight to hang out with Megan. She brought me right up to her playroom and we stayed in there until I noticed her yawning more than usual.

Noticing how late it was getting, I brought Megan up to her room and put her to bed. Making my way up to my own bed I wasn't looking where I was going and I bumped into Draco.

"Ooof. Sorry.' I mumbled half asleep already.

"That's alright." Looking up I noticed that Draco looked about as tired as I felt.

He was in some ceremonial robe that was a deep purple and brushed the ground around him. There was thick gold belt around his waist that had a symbol in the center of it. Overall the cut of the robe suited him well and I felt the urge to run my hands along the sleeves just to see what it felt like.

Noticing my look, Draco cocked an eye brow at me and cleared his throat. "See something you like?"

Smiling at his remark I did indeed reach out and caress the sleeve of his robe. "I believe I do." I couldn't help but smile. "So when do I get to meet everyone else?"

Draco looked at me, a soft smile on his face. "Well we discussed it when the meeting ended and we're hoping to have a nice gathering tomorrow evening as a sort of welcoming party for you."

"I get the feeling that this doesn't happen often."

"No. Not really."

"So…" I felt awkward and I had a feeling that Draco knew I felt awkward.

"Good night Ginny."

"Good night." I replied. I watched Draco turn and leave, leaving an emptiness within me that I hadn't felt in some months.

I left a feeling of déjà vu in the pit of my stomach and I didn't know where it came from. On instinct I grabbed Draco's arm and pulled him towards me. I was proud that I caught him off guard which helped to boost my confidence as I reached up for his face and brought our lips together.

His lips were soft yet firm on mine. I let my lips part slightly and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. He tasted like red wine, a taste I found I didn't mind so much. There was a hint of mint underneath the red wine and I drank it all in. We stood there kissing, as if our lives depended on that one moment, before we pulled apart for air. His hot breath ghosted against my skin and I shivered at the feeling.

* * *

I brushed a loose hair from her face and looked at her breathless expression. She was beautiful. She was… someone else's. But I wanted her. I needed her.

Brushing my lips against her swollen ones for a brief moment longer, I bid her good night and strode down the hall. Ginny didn't stop me this time. I think she knew that what we were doing was… wasn't something we wanted to jump into. At least that's what I told myself.

Turning the corner heading for the stairs I spotted Potter. He was at the meeting tonight, though he didn't look all that well. He needed sleep from the look of him and I overheard him talking to Alastair about finally being able to participate in the meetings come the fall. I shuddered, thinking about what it must feel like losing memories randomly. Deep down a voice told me that it must have been the reason his relationship with Ginny failed; another voice said it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.

Nodding to him as I headed to my own rooms, I had every intention of walking right past him but he blocked my path. The look on his face was painful, like a dying man praying for a miracle.

"Malfoy." His voice was hoarse.

"Potter."

"I heard you escorted Ginny here this morning."

"I did."

"How is she?"

Scoffing at him just to satisfy some deep emotion I hadn't felt in awhile I replied curtly, "I don't believe that is any of your business, now is it Potter?"

He growled at me, his fists balling at his sides. "Damn it Malfoy, we're not kids anymore and I have a right to ask."

"Doesn't mean I'm going to answer you." My face was a blank mask while Potter struggled to not yell at me. I knew I was riling him up - it was childish, yes, but I just couldn't help it. Sighing I said, "She's fine Potter. Doing alright, all things considered."

Potter visibly relaxed several degrees and somehow he just seemed to crumble. "Good." He ran a hand through his unruly hair. "Good." He mumbled again then turned and continued down the stairs.

I watched as he descended down and turned out of sight. Instantly I regretted my actions, but I didn't allow myself to feel pity for him. After all he had brought this upon himself.

Another person approached me on the stair. "You shouldn't tease him like that, Draco." Hewitt, my dark skinned friend, stated behind me.

"He deserves it."

"Does he?" He asked as he continued down the stairs.

Standing there I didn't know how to answer. My life at the moment wasn't as picture perfect as I liked to pretend it was. Being pulled in different directions by several different people wasn't healthy for anyone, especially for someone who had been through the things that I had.

My soul was in torment and something inside me said that Ginny's was too. It was like we were subconsciously calling out to each other and I wanted everything that made her suffer to suffer as well. It was an unnerving feeling, but I liked it. I liked her.

Wait. Did I like her? That didn't make much sense to me. Before that morning I hadn't had any good or bad feelings towards Ginny. Now after only one day I was already telling myself that I liked her? True she was a very interesting individual and there weren't that many people who could boast that they interested me. It was also true that she had the sweetest lips I had ever tasted. But did I really like her?

It was a thought that I found myself drifting off to sleep to, wondering just how much one person could like another after only one day.

* * *

A/N: Woot! Please R&R and all that lovely stuff... Next chapters is under some heavy constructions but I do promise to get it up by the end of this month... just having some issues with event/time-line placement. Got to get the story moving where I want it to and it's getting harder with each chapter... POOP! Anyway, hoped you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writting it.


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